Cottage Cheese

By popular demand (and by popular, I mean two people: TS and SF... thanks ladies!), the INGTET blog has been resurrected! Without further ado, I present to you, the repellent, revolting, and otherwise vom inducing cottage cheese. Prepare yourself. This post is going to be particularly disgusting. You may think less of me after it. I'm sorry. You're welcome.













Reason: Pure visual nightmare.

Why would ANYONE put ANYTHING that looks like this in their MOUTH?

Before I say anything else, I do have to admit that I have never actually tasted cottage cheese. By all accounts it is delicious (ug, I hate to even put that word in this post) and I would love the taste of it. Honestly, I don't doubt it. The thing is, they (and by they I mean the ubiquitous "they"... I guess the dairy industry) are going to have to change the way it looks a hell of a lot before it goes through these lips and past these gums. Don't worry stomach, here it doesn't come.

When I was a kid, my mom would often eat cottage cheese as an afternoon snack. I always kind of thought it looked like fish roe if fish roe were white and in white goop... and I imagine you know how I feel about roe. So, maybe alien roe in alien white goop. Insect eggs. The dreaded white m-bugs that hang around rotting meat. Nope. Not going in my mouth.

As if that weren't enough, my mother would always be putting other crap in it: honey, cocoa powder, maple syrup... whatever was in the house and could be considered "sweet." Ugghghh, no. Just... no. I wish you could hear the sound I just made.

As if THAT weren't enough, the modern interchangeable use of "cottage cheese" for "cellulite" just adds to this problem when one has an overactive imagination. Since around, oh, 1999, when I see cottage cheese, I always picture that scene in "Fight Club" where Edward Norton and Brad Pitt are stealing the lipo fat from the biohazard dumpster in order to render it and make soap. Remember when the bag catches on the razor wire and fat starts pouring all over them and all over creation? Yep. That's what I see when I see cottage cheese. Congratulations. Now you know.

In an odd twist, the most terrifying part of writing this post: while trying to locate a usable photo of cottage cheese, I came across this photo, which, given my history, is one of the most horrifying "snack foods" I've ever encountered.











This photo gave me vom sweats and dumb chills.